turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
