After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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