somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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