# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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