just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
