she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
