He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
