I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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