nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
