i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
