So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
