You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
