i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
