You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
