I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
