I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
