i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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