I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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