You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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