There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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