I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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