If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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