How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
