We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
