Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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