just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
