A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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