She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We got so high we made milksteak
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
