If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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