I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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