considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
