if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
