never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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