You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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