at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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