We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
