He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
