are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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