I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
