It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
