I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
