Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
