I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
