Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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