one two three fourrrrnication!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize