thus making me awesome and them whores
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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