Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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