What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
