two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
