Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
