$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
