Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
