Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
