i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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