Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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