We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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