The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
