I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
