if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
