hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
