I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize