It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
