remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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