According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
