evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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