Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
