I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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