We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
