just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
