About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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