Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize