it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
