Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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