I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
