I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
