I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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