lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
