im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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