i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
