Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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