either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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