Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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