I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
