First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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